Grief Doesn't Look the Same for Everyone

Grief is strange.

Two people can lose someone they love deeply and respond in completely different ways. One person may cry constantly. Another may feel numb. Someone may want to talk about their loved one every chance they get, while someone else may not be ready to say their name out loud. You might feel devastated one day and genuinely happy the next. You may feel angry, relieved, lonely, peaceful, guilty, grateful—or several of those things at the same time.

None of that means you loved the person any more or any less.

Grief is personal because relationships are personal.

Give yourself permission to feel.

Sometimes we try so hard to make uncomfortable emotions disappear that we never actually allow ourselves to experience them.

It's okay to sit with sadness.

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to be angry.

It's okay to miss someone.

It's also okay to laugh, enjoy yourself and have a really good day.

Feeling happiness after a loss doesn't mean you've forgotten the person you lost. And having a difficult day months or years later doesn't mean you've gone backward.

The goal isn't to stop feeling grief. It's learning how to feel it without allowing it to overwhelm your entire life.

Positive ways to feel AND move through grief:

• Let yourself cry when you need to. You don't always have to pull yourself together immediately.

• Talk about your loved one. Share stories, memories and the things you miss with people who are comfortable listening.

• Write it down. Journal, write a letter to the person you lost, or simply put words to whatever you're feeling that day.

• Move your body. Walk, stretch, garden, exercise or simply get outside. Movement can give difficult emotions somewhere to go.

• Create something meaningful. Make a photo album, plant something, cook their favorite meal, donate to something they cared about or create a tradition in their memory.

• Stay connected. Grief can make us want to withdraw, but we still need other people. Let trusted friends, family, a faith community, a grief group or a counselor support you.

• Take care of the basics. Eat, drink water, sleep when you can and maintain some structure. These simple things can become surprisingly difficult during grief.

• Give yourself breaks from grieving. Watch something funny. Go to dinner. Take a trip. Spend time with people who make you feel good. You are allowed to experience joy while you're grieving.

• Notice when you're becoming overwhelmed. If grief is making it difficult to function or you're struggling to cope, reaching out for professional support can be an important part of caring for yourself.

You don't have to rush.

There isn't a timeline that says when you should stop grieving.

Birthdays, holidays, songs, smells, places and random Tuesday afternoons can bring someone rushing back into your mind years later. The goal isn't necessarily to "move on." Maybe it's learning how to move forward while bringing the love with you.

Some days that may mean remembering them with a smile.

Other days it may mean sitting quietly and admitting:

I really miss you today.

Both can be part of healing.

Overcoming hard things doesn't always mean leaving them behind. Sometimes it means discovering that you can carry something difficult and still continue creating a meaningful, joyful life around it.